Year of 34
I Became Insane, With Long Intervals of Horrible Sanity
Franz Kafka, Aphorisms “I am a cage, in search of a bird.” In the murky light of my prison cell, the silence is shattered by the endless yelling of the ocean surrounding this remote island. The damp walls seem to close in, making each breath a struggle. I sit alone in the corner, staring blankly at the ceiling. My mind is a storm of dark, restless thoughts. Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar “I am terrified by this dark thing that sleeps in me”, every bed creak reminds me I’m alone. I imagine voices in the hall, but I know it’s just my mind – it’s always silent here. The ocean’s rage feels personal, matching my inner turmoil. Waves crash against the rocks as if trying to break into my cell and swallow me whole. They tease with the false hope of escape, forever out of reach behind these walls. At night, the darkness mirrors my fears of being nothing and forgotten. Shadows stretch and twist, turning the cell into a suffocating maze of despair. F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Crack-Up“In a real night of the soul, it is always three o’clock in the morning, day after day.”. In this endless loneliness, time loses meaning. Hours blur into days, days into weeks, as I sway on the edge of sanity. Each unheard tick of a clock pounds in my head, counting down to something unknown. I close my eyes, seeking relief in the dark. But the sea sneaks in – a constant, haunting melody of isolation. It pulls me deeper into my mind, into memories where past regrets linger like ghosts. Ernest Hemingway, A Farewell to Arms “The world breaks everyone, and afterwards, some are strong at the broken places.” There’s no escape here, neither from this cell nor my thoughts. The island is a fortress, the ocean a barrier, and each wave is what life was, what it is now, and what might never be again. Emily Dickinson, paraphrased/misattributed “I am out with lanterns, looking for myself.”.
Confessions of a Troubled Mind VI –
– To Be Continued.
